2011... Is It Over Yet?!

Most of you know my dreams and goals of homesteading and simplicity, and only a few of you know that this year most of my dreams have been crushed and thrown out the window. This whole year has been a completely unbelievable nightmare. I had this witch of a woman [whom I will not use her name unlike how she used mine without my permission on her forum] to tell me this year that everything we did the whole year would thrive and grow and be productive! Well boy was she ever ignorantly wrong...

  The year started out with a bang when I lost a baby in February at 11 weeks. Doctors gave little answers and no reason why it happened. They just said the baby had died or stopped growing at 8 weeks. I went forth with the D&C and they told me we could try again after three months. 

   We went on planted our garden for the season and everything looked great at first. but then it was so hot and very little rain and despite our efforts with using miracle grow I guess it wasn't enough we got nothing out of our little garden this year nothing at all. 

   Then to top that off I became pregnant again 6 months after the first loss and started to bleed at 5 weeks... I knew then I would not carry the baby though they tried to tell me it was still "okay" I'm thinking excuse me but I think a mother knows when something is wrong with her body and bleeding off and mostly on for three weeks isn't good! Finally I got the ultrasound with the news I feared the most... I was supposed to be 7 weeks but it hadn't grown any in the past week... a few days later I had a major bleed which scared me to death I thought I could have lost the baby then but did not. Then a week later on our 6 year wedding anniversary no less we got the news that the pregnancy was failing... there was no baby to be found and lots of left over tissue and the sac was actually shrinking in size! So I was scheduled for yet another D&C the next morning. 

   My doctor was worried that since my levels were doubling as a normal healthy pregnancy, that I may have had a molar pregnancy... so for the first time I actually heard I could possibly get answers or at least that they were testing what they took out. Its been a week since the procedure and the results are still not in. I was told to "google" Molar pregnancy and when I did I absolutely did not like what I read... ranging from possible cancer to requiring a hysterectomy!!! Meaning no more kids for me @ the ripe old age of 26!!!! I'm hoping and praying that it was not a molar pregnancy but simply a blighted ovum which means no baby or that the baby had decentergrated. Either way its not great but a with a blighted ovum I would still be able to try again and not have the other added problems. 

   If it wasn't for the fact that I absolutely love fall and that I would miss my family I would just tell someone to wake me up when this year is done and over with. Maybe next year will be better for us. It would have to be at least somewhat better than 2011! 

[First Loss @ 11weeks]

[Second Loss @ 8weeks]

[ultrasound was taken @ 6weeks]

[What's left of our garden mixed with weeds] 

Here's to 2012!